Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
