it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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