My liver just broke up with me...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
