Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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