Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
