So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
