what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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