Swine flu. Run for my life!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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