I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
