Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
