So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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