i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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