Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
