I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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