Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize