He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
