I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize