I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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