You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
