All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
