the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
