Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
