i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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