These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
