once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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