On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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