so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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