I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
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so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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