i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
