you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
