My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
