Me too!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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