so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
