Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
