haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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