Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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