So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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