Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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