it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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