I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
