Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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