I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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