I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
