Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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