Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
