There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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