____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
40s are totally the cure
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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