Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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