He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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