OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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