drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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