Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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