Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
