Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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