so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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