can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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