You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
