Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
