hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
