I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
