your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
As shirtless as possible
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
