There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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