this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
