I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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