im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
