He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
