yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
