And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
