I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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