I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
