I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
