I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
