nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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