We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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