Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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