those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
