I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
