All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sober January is a disaster.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
